shit, it's been a long time. as usual. hah. and now i'm sick, coughing constantly. and i should be reading for the admission test tomorrow, but i just can't right now. maybe i don't really want to get in. i don't know anymore. and the russetid is over already. can't believe that something i waited for that long and used that much money on is over so fast. but of course it is. and it wasn't worth it. i didn't get what i was hoping for. i had fun though, but that is a different thing, and do not add up to all that stress.fuck that stupid bus with those stupid girls ;P now i just want to get rid of it, sell it and use the money for the vacation. but first i have a bunch of exams and stuff to do. and then what? videregående is over, and i guess i'll never see some of those guys ever again. kinda weird when i cometo think of it. and unreal.

we finally got internet back two days ago, but my computer's still down. it kinda sucks loosing all my files just like that. and I've always been stupid enough not to take enough copies of stuff.

anyway, I've just been to Paris with my frenchclass (well, that'll say we were five girls ;P) and I have to say I love Paris<3 come to think of it, I think I love everywhere but Oslo right now. it's a really boring city sometimes, and specially if you've ever been anywhere else. I would love to tell you all about the trip, but I just don't think I got the time or motivation at the moment. and I guess Icould say I'l do it later, but I know I won't so.. ;P

fuck fuck fuck.. I hope I am allowed to even say that word here;P but that's really how I feel today.. everything is just going downhill right now and I couldn't care less.. I'm just so sick and tired of everything, I feel like staying in bed for a couple of days just sleeping..

jeg mener, helvete heller orker ikke skrive på engelsk en gang, jeg kjeder meg så inni granskauen her. ting er bare kjedelige og slitsomme. ha sære sære drømmer om folk jeg IKKE vil drømme om. og til og med det påvirker meg. holder på å sovne hver tirsdag egentlig. og bussen blir ikke reparert og russetiden komme til å gå til helvete på grunn av det og alt er bare teit for å være helt ærlig. alina holder seg fortsatt bare med gorm. rania og jeg prøver å finne på ting i guess, men asså ja. tror jeg bare må komme med i dusjen og så i senga jeg, er helt utslitt her. blir jo faen meg utslitt av alt maset og stresset hele tiden. crap altså! lurer på når jeg skal være fornøyd med ting jeg. men det er kanskje ikke normalt å være helt og holdent lykkelig? nai, er jo altfor usannsynlig;P

well, okay, cya I guess..

What is it about Valentine's day? Except for the fact that it is an american tradition which we only have here because of the capitalism and because we have to adopt every single little thing from the US. Well, not everything, thank god, but not far from it..

But I guess I just hate this day cos at this day the whole world can see how a lonely looser you really are. Maybe it's because I've never really felt loved by any guy at this particular day. I'm sure when I do get a boyfriend who loves me, I'll love this day. But there's this pressure over this day too, you have to celebrate your love, you have to buy gifts, chocolate, flowers etc. You have to have a lover, or else you're nobody. There's really no room for single people in this society. There's a love-pressure and a sex-pressure that I can't stand. Although noone really talks about it or jugde you or anything out loud, but everybody thinks it and discuss it behind your back, either with themselves or others. Love and sex is exactly what you talk to your friends about, what you joke about, the big questions in life. That's what life is all about, when you think of it.

oh yeah! It couldn't have been better snowboarding again on thursday;D the weather was great, just a bit too cold, and the hills were almost empty. And the new gondol was cool;P after a lousy week it was just great to do something completely different..

Friday I went swimming (1300 m) and then went back to school to help bring down the chandeliers in the great hall. I'm looking forward to the vacation and the work with the theatre. My last year and my last theatre so I'll make the most of it ;D

Met Helene today at OsloCity, and discovered that I haven't done anything the last couple of months. I really don't do things anymore. I just sit on my ass, go to school, study, go to the gym. Nothing that means anything. The time just goes too fast, tidenes klisjé. And that's the case for the bus too, things don't get done, so I'll be happy if we have lights, music and an engine that works when May comes;P

Just wanted to say that it's been a long time and that I'm going out now so I don't really have time to write right now.

Other than that we had this running test today and I swear I could taste the blood in my mouth, but I still dissapointed myself. Bah, I need to work on my running. So because of that I'm starting to push myself down like I always do when things don't go my way. And I don't have anything to look forward to right now. I mean, I am going out tomorrow with the girls, and I guess we'll drink, giggle, dance, (probably make out with some random desperate guy), but it's just not fun anymore. It's always the same.

Aother week over, and what a week! I'm so sad it's over. All the things we did and will never do again. It breaks my heart that this is the last christmas that'll be normal. Next year everything's gonna change.

The week started out great with the John Legend concert monday. Oh, I just love him! He's gotta have the greatest voice ever! And that was my second concert in four weeks (the other one was The Roots 15-nov, also great!). I really do love music. And John is HOT! And even the test I had tuesday couldn't ruin my happy mood.. And on wednesday it was time for mye third (and last) juleball (prom) at Katta. It was held at Plaza (a hotel), the tallest building in Oslo, and the surroundings were just perfect. 450 students were there in this great room and the food was delicious and everyone looked great. Of course I had been drinking so I had fun, as always;P But I'm sure everyone else did too. I have to say I love my school and especially the class 3C, the best classmates i could ever have! After the prom finished at 01:00, Rania and I joined some students a year younger than us at a hotelroom to drink some more and just have fun. It got very cozy after a while, since this was a double-room with 20 people in it;P But at 06:30 the six of us that had lasted the whole night went down to breakfast (bacon, eggs, bread, coffee;D) and then it was off to school. Was I a bit tired? Yes! So I slept through history, but at least I had remebered to bring other clothes than my dress;P

And now it's over. I'll never be at juleballet på Katta ever again. But all things come to an end I guess. And I'm sure I'll find new things and events to love in the future. I'm just glad the prom didn't dissapoint me! The only dissapointment was that Alina, Rania and me didn't spend this last prom together. Alina hardly ever spends any time with us anymore. I just don't get how she can be so blind, almost stupid. I understand she's in love and all that, but does she have to forget her friends? Nope..

Here's a pic with most of my classmates from the prom<3

 

Got back home an hour ago or something. I really should do something smart now, like study religion (the worst subject ever) or do math, but I'm just incredibly tired at the moment. I'm actually incredibly tired every day. Maybe it's because of the dark. It get's dark at two or three these days, that means daylight between ten and two. And without snow it's just dark, rainy and depressing. What's happening with the climate?! I live in Norway! Most people think we're freezing the whole year and have polarbears walking in the streets (there are no polarbears in Norway!). At least I expected snow for Xmas, but who knows! Sigh..

Other than that I got back three tests today. I just hate getting back that many tests in one day. One for each subject I had. But the results were good enough so.. As expected at the math and better than expected at the history test. The physics however.. hehe. Nah, it went allright. Love the comment my teacher gave me anyway, he's great. Met a friend after school and ate together at Oslo City, a shopping center, and it was great catching up. So after all, I'm in a quite good mood right now. Kinda surprising..

Just thought I'd share my interesting afternoon sitting on my ass in bed watching tv and surfing on the internet. Now that most of the stress at school is over for a while I just don't have anything to do at home. And I have to say that it sounds really depressing. So am I depressed? No, not really. I think I am somewhere between happy an unhappy. The only problem is the feeling of my life as one straight line with nothing happening. Am I allowed to complain? I guess I really shouldn't be.

It's winter again, soon christmas, but no snow. Without snow I just can't get that winter-feeling, or that christmas-feeling. I just can't help look back and remember the last winter. From that day in december, the fourth I think it was, to the vacation in february. And I hate that I do that. I listen to this song and everything just comes back to me. And especially the whole New year-party. I just drank too much, puked in the snow. And don't remember anything else than loosing my cellphone and hugging the guy I was in love with because he found it outside in the snow. And I just remember the whole of december last year so well, I have this feeling inside, like it's still that month where everything changed. Everything changed and I still feel it. And when I think back, I just regret that I didn't do more, and I know that I could have. I guess I'll never forgive myself for beeing such a whimp. I really blew it and now it's too late. Been too late for a long time, but I just think about it  now. I guess this winter will be better. But boring. Nothing to care about. Nothing will make me unstable. Except the fact that my life is boring right now. And I guess that's something.

So, now I'm posting my first post here. Trying to do something new as the website I have here doesn't handle æ, ø and å anymore. Other than that it's been a long time since I've written (or spoken) any english so yeah.. Well, it'll be good to keep it in shape;D